I hear this too often... "Help! I don't know what I am doing. I thought as soon as I separated things would get better. They got worse." "Emotional distress is as real and tormenting as physical pain, and psychological well-being deserves as much legal protection as physical well-being" McCulloh v. Drake, Nos. 99-136, 99-137 (Wyo. June 5, 2001). and "Although the preservation of marital harmony is a respectable goal, behavior which is truly outrageous and results in severe emotional distress should not be protected in some sort of misguided attempt to promote marital peace." ibid Case law covers a lot of ground. Here, the state of Wyoming is acknowledging emotional pain. A rare, but welcome moment. ABUSE and SEPARATION: Better or Worse? Often a dramatic escalation of abuse occurs after separation. This isn't what the abused spouse expected. But now, the abuser has lost the ability to intimately control and often this triggers increased attempts at control, whether through hiring a pit bull lawyer and using the legal system as a weapon, or filing false claims of domestic violence and using restraining orders to keep custody or property. When a narcissist hooks up with a pit bull lawyer - perhaps also a narcissist, it's a potent duo that causes a lot of problems that should not occur. Finances can be dramatically impacted as the war goes on. The children's stress levels increase and neither mom or dad has the same time for activities they once did. Women often organize their life around the activities of the children and this becomes harder to do. Financially marginalizing mom is a tactic often used to control. The one and onlly way to avoid these scenarios is with information and planning - before the separation occurs. Getting yourself emotionally ready is also critical. Out of control emotions - anger, sadness, can impact decision making at the time you most need to make good decisions. But learning your rights, how to get information, what to say to a lawyer, why you may not want the new colaborative law, custody - did you know 50-50 is default in many areas now? - all these issues MUST be addressed before you file. Before you discuss divorce with your spouse - otherwise you lose the advantage and can find yourself in worse trouble than before. Don't let this happen to you. Pre-Planning Consultation Just like a wedding consultant, but here to help you plan the divorce because the details now are more important and impact the rest of your life. Pre-planning is critical with an abusive spouse. Learning to calm yourself in turmoil will make everything easier. What clients say: "Ann - One session with you opened my eyes and put me on the "wise woman" path. By the time I got to the attorney, I was informed, calm, and best of all knew what I wanted and what was possible. Thank you, thank you, thank you for making me understand what I had to do and why." Sarah J. "For peace of mind, everyone should talk to you at least once. I'd hire you again in a heartbeat." Katy M. Pre-Planning Consultation Determine goals, identify problem areas and how to address, attorney type, how to get information about your state laws, custody, finances, emotional level. |